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  • Writer's pictureJulia Koroleva

New Horizons Therapy NY Blog: How to Talk to Your Partner About Wanting More or Better Sex


Intimacy and connection are vital components of a healthy relationship, and sex plays a significant role in fostering those bonds. However, over time, the frequency or quality of sex can change, leaving one or both partners feeling unfulfilled. If you're yearning for more or better sex with your partner, initiating a conversation about it can be daunting, but it's essential for maintaining a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

Here are some tips for approaching this sensitive topic:

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid bringing up the topic during stressful moments or when either of you is tired or distracted. Find a relaxed and private setting where you can both focus on the conversation without interruptions.

  2. Start with Positivity and Appreciation: Begin by expressing your love, affection, and appreciation for your partner. Acknowledge the positive aspects of your relationship and sexual connection before delving into areas where you'd like to see improvement.

  3. Use "I" Statements: Focus on your own feelings and desires rather than blaming or criticizing your partner. For example, instead of saying "You never initiate sex," try "I miss feeling desired and would love to connect with you more intimately."

  4. Be Specific and Honest: Clearly communicate your needs and desires regarding frequency, type of intimacy, or specific activities you'd like to explore. Avoid vague statements and be open to hearing your partner's perspective as well.

  5. Listen Actively and Empathetically: Give your partner space to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without interrupting or judgment. Validate their perspective and try to understand any underlying reasons for their hesitation or disinterest.

  6. Collaborate and Brainstorm: Approach the conversation as a team effort. Brainstorm together to find solutions that address both of your needs and desires. Be open to compromise and willing to try new things.

  7. Seek Professional Help: If communication becomes difficult or if underlying issues like stress, anxiety, or past trauma are impacting your sexual relationship, consider seeking couples therapy or sex therapy. A qualified therapist can provide a safe space for open communication and guide you towards a more fulfilling sexual connection.


Remember, open and honest communication is key to a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship. By approaching the conversation with love, respect, and a willingness to listen, you can foster greater intimacy, connection, and pleasure in your partnership.


At New Horizons Therapy NY, we offer individual, couples, and sex therapy to help individuals and couples address a wide range of intimacy and relationship concerns. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support your journey towards a more fulfilling sexual relationship.


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